Saturday, March 27, 2010

Unrealistic expectations

Do you ever have unrealistic expectations for yourself, or your husband or your children?

My hand is raised! Both hands are raised! I look like I'm in a Sure deodorant commercial. (Remember those?)

The husband issue I'm not really struggling with these days. Seth goes so far above and beyond in just about every area that I can just take the overflowing garbage out myself. Really, I'm just counting down the days until my children are old enough to do it for me.

But myself, and the girls are a different story. We have been struggling to have more peace than turbulence in our days. I thought that it was due to Seth being away from home for a solid week. But even with his return, they have not shed their horns or forsaken their plans for world dominance. Granted, his is very busy and they typically only see him at meal times. He is coming home past their bedtime and leaving well before they get up in the morning. But such is life. He is not spending 18 months in Afghanistan so there is really nothing to complain about.

I really have strived to not be a mommy who needed daddy around in order to have obedient children. I really really did not want that to be the case. But... I think it is. =(

In the past couple of weeks, I have become frustrated with myself and even with the girls. Pin pointing the exact reason for the abundance of whining and defiance is hard to do. Well, other than just blaming Eve and her dumb choice to eat the fruit. But that poor ol' gal gets blamed enough. If she hadn't, I probably would have anyway.

My only consolation is that it is Biblical that children inherit their sin nature through their father. At least, I heard a preacher say that once and I wrote in down in Bible and clung to it for dear life.

Not really.

Have I been consistent? Check.
Have I been crystal clear about the expectations? Check.
Have I rewarded good behavior with praise? Yes, but there is always room for more praise.

I've really been evaluating what I am missing. One thing is for sure: they are bored.

Baby in my belly=tired Kayte=no crafts and games and activities planned=bored kids=naughty kids

So basically, my plan is to blame every single bad thing in my life for the next 7 months on the fact that I am pregnant, tired and I want some cheese cake.

I have been asking for cheese cake for weeks now. And no one has produced one. This is a problem.

Seriously, there are two things that I have determined are not right these days:

1. A lack of cheerfulness.

Have I mentioned that I am pregnant? And tired? ;) Tired women are not generally known for their cheerfulness. At least not THIS pregnant, tired woman.

This article from No Greater Joy has been on my heart for a couple of months now... because I have known all along that I was not as cheerful as my family needed me to be. But knowing what you need to change and actually changing it are two very different things.

2. Unrealistic expectations.

I don't want to say that I am lowing my standards because obeying my voice is not negotiable. But acknowledging the fact that sometimes, 3 yr. olds want help doing things that we know that are very capable of doing on their own. Sometimes, a 22 months old is not going to pick up unless I hand her each toy and clap and cheer after every single deposit into the toy bin. Sometimes, kids just don't eat when and what you want them to. Sometimes, they don't sleep when you want them to. Sometimes, things that need to get done, need to be put on hold because the kids just can't handle one more stop at a store. Sometimes, little ones run around and get loud in places we would rather they stood quietly.

Their parents are sinners. So why is it any surprise when the children are?

My priority these days is going to be finding the joy in every day again. Thriving in these long days with the girls all to myself instead of surviving. The theme of my friend, Amy's blog is "Daily Pleasures". Looking for the beauty and wonder and joy in every ordinary, work filled day. So maybe I will change the name of my blog to "Yada Daily Yada Pleasures Yada". Or maybe not. Amy might sue me for copy right infringement.

My practical to do list:

• Stop blogging as soon as this post is done and rest for a half an hour.

• Plan an Easter craft for the girls to do next week.

• Bundle up and take the girls to the park one afternoon next week.

• Make healthy snacks for myself and the girls ahead of time. I think we have all been suffering from low blood sugar.

• Plan a menu of strictly easy, but "real food" dinners next week.

• Pack one box a day every day.

•Don't sweat the small stuff.

•Stop before saying a rebuke and think about the fact that they are 22 months and 3 years old, and decide whether to continue or not.

• On purpose, look for something beautiful, funny or enjoyable in every day.

Hope you are finding joy in every day!



raising3princesses said...

This was a really thought provoking post. I'm not sure how to explain, but it really helped me. love, Maria

Chad and Jessica's Family said...

I know how you feel. I feel so much as I am "enduring" motherhood instead of enjoying. It is such a hard job and would be even harder when your husband is gone a lot. Train now and be so blessed later(and now too) you do rug time? It really has helped me with my child training BIG TIME!!!!! Also gives you some time too. Just for thought. Enjoy this job, I will try too.