Extending Grace

I came across a verse today that smote my heart. I feel so convicted by it and wanted to share it you.

Job 24:12b "and the soul of the wounded crieth out; yet God layeth not folly to them.

I see in this verse an important element of God's character. For me, it reveals an attitude that can only be a result of God's great love and mercy toward us.

In this chapter of Job, we read a description of some very bad practices. And right smack in the middle of a long list of awful behavior is this statement about God's reaction to a wounded soul crying out.

What I find so convicting in this verse is that I'm afraid that if it were me, I probably would "lay folly to them". My attitude might be:

That's what they get.

They should have known better.

You made your bed, now lie in it.

Could have seen that coming.

They brought it on themselves.

But not our God. He hears the wounded... even if their wounds may be self inflicted.... and He lays not folly to them. After all, crying out to Him is the wisest thing they could possibly be doing. Our Father hears the cries of His children and doesn't think them foolish. He is always ready and eager to help us when when call upon Him.

How about me? When wounded souls cry for help, is my first reaction to just want to help, wherever they are? Or do I first have to think of all the failures they have done to deserve what they're suffering and think they are fools to want help now that all the damage has been done.

Because if the latter, I have surely forgotten what is written just a few chapters earlier:

Job 13:23 "How many are mine iniquities and sins? make me to know my transgression and my sin.

Do I offer a helping hand, or a turned up nose?

As people who have been blessed so abundantly with God's grace, let us not be reluctant to extend grace to others.

A partial retraction: A few hours after posting this, my husband came home. I, still excited over what God had shown me in my quiet time with Him, shared these verses with Seth. Instead of his usual positive comment, he took my Bible and read that chapter of Job. Then he read the one preceeding it. And, in the nicest of ways, told me I was a heretic. ;) Not really. But he did say he thought the verse didn't exactly say what I had taken it to say. I had been thinking of the word "folly" in the same way as foolishness. Like "oh you silly head to be crying out". But Seth said he believed that word folly was referring to the people's sin. And sure enough, the actual concordance agreed with my human concordance.

Folly in this verse comes from the word tiphlah: unsavouriness, unseemliness (moral).

So in light of this correct defining of "folly", I think Job 24:12 might be saying that God did not, at that time, hold them responsible for their folly, or moral unseemliness. But in verse 24 of that chapter it says "They are exalted for a little while, but are gone and brought low; they are taken out of the way as all other, and cut off as the tops of the ears of corn." In other words, they got the spanking they deserved.

I'm leaving this post on, since I really spoke more of what the verse had made me feel rather than form a position of hard and fast "Thus saith the Lord". If anyone feels it would be a stumbling block, please say so and I'll remove it entirely.
Love,

Living the good life

Warm sunny days have finally arrived in our neck of the woods. I am in agreement with my daughters that these precious days of clear blue skies and warm breezes should be spent out doors, soaking in every ray we can.

While I chase my fair skinned red head around with a bottle of sun block and floppy hat, begging her not to burn.

When we woke up this morning to beautiful, bright sun shine pouring in every window, our agenda was clear to everyone, even 7 month old Leila. Well, okay... maybe Leila wasn't in on the plan, but she certainly did not object to it either. Our mission: to eat, dress and clean house as quickly as possible to get outside for our customary walk around the neighborhood. When fair weather is present, we walk. Every day. While Seth is at school, or maybe we walk to school to meet him at the end of the day. Or maybe not until after dinner, with Daddy making the walk even more fun. On bikes with training wheels, tricycles, scooters, stroller or dress up princess shoes. Whenever, however... but we will walk. Oh yes. There will be walks.

This afternoon, before the current hiatus for naps, I sat in a swing on the church property while my playful infant happily slobbered a hair clip in my lap. While the older girls played with cousins, Grandpa and Daddy methodically mowed nice straight lines through the church lawns. And I basked in not only the sunlight, but also the fact that we live a good life.

I do not know what ministry life is for other pastors or assistant pastors and their families. I can not compare, nor would I want to. I did not at all know what to expect when marrying my young pastoral theology major. He probably did know what life he had been called to, since he grew up a pastor's son. I had a few misconceptions, and a few expectations that were correct but mostly, I did not know what life for us would hold. And largely, I still do not. The ministry is people... so whatever plans we may make, we're always prepared to drop them at a moment's notice. Outside of the school routine, I do not know what Seth's duties will be next Thursday. Only that today, it was taking care of some needs on the church grounds.

One of the notions I had thought life "in the ministry" held was that there would be little to no time for family. I do not know why I believed this... maybe I had heard it from other pastor's wives, or maybe I had falsely assumed the ministry would be as hectically busy as college life. But the truth is, I feel blessed that my children and I get to see Seth probably more than many husband's working to support their family. Sure, some seasons are busier than others. There are certain time frames throughout the year when Seth is gone before the girls wake up and isn't home again until after they are in bed. But the majority of the time, we have the tremendous blessing of spending lots of time together as a family. Seth usually eats lunch and dinner with us every day. Many responsibilities can be completed with some or all of us tagging along. Church needs toilet paper? Lets all go. The girls make good companions for driving an elderly person to a doctor's appointment, or sitting on his lap while Seth mows. Sometimes Maddie goes with him to plow in the winter, but usually that chilly task is done before they (or I!) am awake. I make a decent secretary when record keeping or media projects come up. And I don't have to worry about his secretary flirting with him (and I surely will be). The girls really enjoy going out on Saturday mornings inviting people to church. What 3 yr. old doesn't love ringing a door bell? (And have to be restrained from ringing it 7 times in a row?!) Our dining room table makes a perfect assembly line for everything from mailings to candy bags to sorting Sunday School material. Complain about Seth bringing his work home? NEVER. I love it. While obviously, many things must be done with us at home, and Seth at church or elsewhere, I feel as though it is not Seth in the ministry. It is the whole McCoy family.

It's a good life. No fat bank account. We will not likely ever own our own house, or even two vehicles. Two week long vacations to tropical locations aren't in the plans. But it's a good life. We lack nothing. I get to be a stay at home mommy. We witness God working in people's lives. We get to invest our time into eternal matters. We've even had the extra blessing of having our children's grandparents live nearby. But mostly, today I am thankful that there is no choice to be made between serving God or being "there" for our family. Duties never conflict. We get to do both, and (usually) have a fun time doing so.

Love,

I don't want to be tofu

Any tofu lovers out there?



We're not tofu eaters around here. I've tried tofu a few times, and if it's part of a good recipe, I actually don't mind it all. But Seth is completely uninterested.



So if you do love tofu, I have nothing against tofu as a food. But I don't want to be tofu.



You see, tofu can be scrumptious or disgusting, depending on the other ingredients in the dish. Tofu takes on the flavor of whatever is mixed with it.



I started using tofu to describe people when my husband and I were preparing for a youth conference trip. We were taking about which teenagers should be in hotel rooms together. When I said, "That girl is tofu", what I meant was that girl is easily influenced by the people in her company. Put her with other kids who are behaving and she will behave, but put her with kids who are not behaving and she will do as they do.



I don't mean it to be derogatory. Most teenagers are tofu. I was tofu. Sometimes I still am tofu. But when you have a teenager around who is not tofu... whom you trust to do right when the people they are with are not... it's really refreshing.



Lately, I've been thinking of my spirit, or attitude. Is my spirit tofu? Does it take on the flavor of whatever is thrown into it?



Do you ever notice that when the weather is warm and sunny, generally everyone you meet all day is in a great mood? I think that is especially true in a climate such as where I live, where the bleakness and monotony of gray frigid days wears on all and we begin to crave Spring like an Adkins dieter fantasizing about a flaky, buttery dinner roll. Call it a vitamin D deficiency but it almost seems like people wake up in the morning, check on the weather report and decide what kind of mood they will be in based on what the weather man predicts.



We're acting like tofu: mix sunny weather into our day, and we will be sunny and cheerful. Mix in rain and clouds and we will mimic the weather with our spirit.



More than being a mirror of the weather report, I don't want to be tofu when it comes to the circumstances and events of our lives. Life has tough stuff in it. It rains on the just and the unjust alike, the book of Job tells us. And yet that same Bible tells us to "Rejoice evermore!" The two can sometimes contradict one another in our mind and certainly in our actions. It's because we're being like tofu. We're taking on the flavor of the other ingredients of our life.



I don't want to be tofu. I want to be chocolate.



One of the better tofu dishes I've tried was tofu pudding. Do you know what it tasted like? Chocolate pudding. I didn't taste tofu at all. The only ingredient I could distinguish was chocolate. Beautiful, delicious chocolate. It overwhelmed every other contributor in the pudding.



I want to be chocolate. I want to decide the flavor of my day. I want to decide what kind of disposition I will have. I do not want the news to dictate that today will be a bad day because the world is full of bad things. I do not want the actions of others to influence my spirit.



It seems that woman in particular are more susceptible to allowing outside influences to determine their spirit. I dislike over generalizing the genders... surely men and women are different and some obvious trends do exist, but I understand that individuals within the sexes vary. Moody, sensitive men do exist (is there anything on Earth less attractive than a moody man?) and rumor has it that a good female driver does exist, though it is admittedly not me. There are a few marred mailboxes to testify to that. I wish I were joking!☺ The fact, however, that most scented candles are bought by women and (at least in our house or van) it's always the females reaching to turn on the happy music, tell me that women are more inclined to rely on outside stimuli to affect them in a positive way. The old saying of "Men are like microwaves and women are like crock pots" also affirm that women take more to get in the right mood... for anything. ;)



It's ironic, isn't it? As women, we set the tone and atmosphere of our homes, and yet we are the most dependent and susceptible to our own environment to shape our own personal temperament.



I want to be chocolate. I want to choose to let the Bible and the blessings and the joy dominate my frame of mind. Not only that, but maybe I could flavor the world around me with a little more chocolate too? Most people are tofu: letting the circumstances around them govern their mood. One traffic jam can ruin their whole day. But amazingly, one friendly clerk at the post office can brighten a day. Doesn't it seem to be the responsibility of a Christian to be the chocolate that flavors it's surroundings, and not the tofu that soaks in whatever is around?

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt has lost it's savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.

Matthew 5:13

When we act like chocolate instead of tofu, we can actually obey I Thessalonians 5:16 and "Rejoice evermore". How is it that some people can sing songs of praise by the lifeless body of their loved one? They decided to be chocolate. How in the world can a cancer patient have a smile on their face? They decided to be chocolate. How can one mother with a house full of rambunctious kiddies be cheerful while another is barely surviving? How can some people, with the same cares and trials that we all face, possess joy in a dark world? They decided to be chocolate.



They carry their own joy with them, and share it with others.



Do you flavor your own life, or let others do it for you?



Love,

Lessons from the Womb

My husband brought these portions of Scripture to my attention.

Ecclesiastes 11

5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.


Psalm 139

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

Truly, the chapters in their entirety are well worth reading (what part of the Bible isn't?!), but I just included some key verses in this post.

As Seth and I discussed Ecc. 11:5, we found ourselves amazed at the fact that the child in my womb now, and every child who has ever been in the womb (which, in case you're slow today, would be all of us) is actually a work of God.

Wow.

I have read everything I can get my hands on regarding pregnancy and the development of a baby. And the conclusion I (and I believe many) have come to: no one can really explain exactly how and why a baby transforms from a few tiny cells into a small little person. Sure, they know what cells are required, what role hormones play and at what point different events occur in the process. But what makes those cells divide in just that way? How does a woman's body communicate within itself to make provision for a new life? What makes that itty bitty heart spontaneously start to beat all on it's own? How do the eyes end up in just the right spot? Why does it always take the same amount of gestation, within a matter of days or weeks, for a baby to form?

There is only one answer.

It's baffling to ponder. Our God is so creative. (Maybe that's why we call Him "Creator"?) Who else could take the same basic elements... eyes, nose, lips, ears, skin... and make millions and millions of humans with those same items and yet each one be unique.

As I think more about the fact that my baby, and every baby, is a work of God, I felt a new sense of sadness, and even a bit of indignation when people choose, or rally for the right to choose, to disrupt God's work. I think most, if not all, of my readers see the tragedy in aborting a baby so I won't belabor the topic.

Then God smote my heart with the thought I can be guilty of interrupting God's work as well. I've never stepped foot in or near an abortion clinic, but is it possible that I have aborted God's working in my heart... in the heart of another? Have I ever failed to respond to the Holy Spirit's prompting to share the Gospel message with someone who needed it? Is it possible that my words or actions, or lack or words and actions, hindered the creation of a new life in Christ? Do I have spiritual aborted babies somewhere?

Sobering thoughts.

Looking at Ps. 139, I think verse 14 is most commonly know and quoted. And it is a beautiful verse... and a convicting one when our insecurities over physical imperfections get the better of us. But I really love verse 13.

13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

To me, whom you surely know by now, is not a Bible scholar or expert, this verse speaks of God's direction and protection. His providence.

I want God to possess my reins. I want Him to make gentle gestures or instructions and I instantly obey. Is this always the case? You know the answer to that... because if you asked yourself, it would also be "no".

Like defiant horses bucking against the bit in their mouth, we pridefully think we know better. Our way is the only way we are interested in.

I've decided there is tremendous security in simply trusting and obeying... in letting God possess my reins. I remember being a young adult facing all the important decisions young adults face: what to do after high school, what path to pursue, who to date, who to marry, etc etc. I felt so frustrated with the choices I faced that I would joke that I wish we were all born with a tag secured to our ankle... like some old baby dolls I had... with their name and occupation written on them. I would have like my tag to have my future spouse's name on it. No choices to make. To options to weigh. Just look down at your tag and do as it says. Easy... and safe.

It is not always that clear cut, of course. But I do see now that decisions where not as complicated as I made them. The more I heed God's prompting, the easier it is for me to hear it.

I'm grateful for the "work of God" in my womb at this moment. I'm grateful that God has had plans and an interest in her before I even knew she was there!

Love,

The Revelation, Part II :)

If you recall a week or so ago, I posted this quote:

If...a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary's love...for a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted." Amy Carmicheal-Misssionary to India

Sounds very similar to:

Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?

James 3:11


or

Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

Matthew 12:33 & 34

Contemplating these verses, I thought of the many many times I have attended ladies' conferences and meetings. In just about every ladies' gathering where there are lessons given to help women in their Christian walk, the subject of our tongue and our words is addressed. With good reason, for sure. The tongue can be an unruly evil and holds the power of life and death within it's power. And for some reason we women can really struggle with taming our tongue. As Amy Carmichael put it, "impatient, unloving words" fly out all too easily.

Why it is we struggle so with our words? Why must the topic be dealt with over and over and over again?

Do you recall the quote I shared yesterday from Susan at JoyMomofMany?

Parenting/discipling our children is more about *people* than *process*. It is more about who I am than what I do.

Yesterday, I discussed this quote in it's original content: the area of child training. But what really is on my heart lately is the second half, and not necessarily only in the field of parenting.

It is more about who I am than what I do.

The reason I must constantly be biting my tongue and working so hard at not saying unkind words is that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh". If who I were inside were kinder, the kind words would follow by default. And doesn't that principle apply to every aspect of our Christian walk?

If we are right on the inside {the heart} than the issues we struggle with wouldn't be such a tenacious battle for us each and every day. Our words, our dress, our actions, our thought life, our choice of entertainment... it would all simply reflect a heart that was right. In fact, it already does reflect our heart... for better or worse.

Thinking about our Lord, it really is more about Who He is than what He did.

If just anyone had died on the cross, it wouldn't have been enough to save the world from sin. The act of Jesus dying on the cross saves us, yes... but only because of Who He was: the Son of God. Holy. Sinless.

I think when we are first introduced to the Saviour, our emphasis can perhaps be on What he has done for us or what He continues to do for us. And He certainly does a lot. His blesses are too numerable to count. But the longer I am saved, the more appreciate God for just being God. An AMAZING God. Merciful. Patient. All powerful. All knowing. My Father. My Friend. It's become more about Who He is than what He does.

On Sunday evening, my pastor preached about showing the joy of our salvation in our every day life. I certainly want to be revelling in the joy of my salvation. But truthfully, this joy can not be manufactured. Just as I can not manufacture kind words all the time (maybe for short time I can successfully "fake it"), I can not produce lasting joy on my own.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Pslam 16:11

So.... what's my point... what is "The Revelation?"

"The Revelation" is intended to be said with a big booming voice, with an echo in case you don't know.

It is more about who I am than what I do.

The heart {our heart} is what the Lord is looking for, and it is the key to all our "doing" (our words, our expressing the joy of our salvation, our service for God, etc).

I've just finished reading I & II Kings. For almost every king of Judah or Israel, the Bible says something to indicate whether that king followed the ways of God AND whether his heart was right. It is therefore possible to DO good things but not have a heart that is not right. Some examples:

Imperfect deeds, imperfect heart: King Abijam "And he walked in all the sins of his father, which he had done before him: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father." I Kings 15:3

Imperfect deeds, perfect heart: King Asa "But the high places were not removed: nevertheless Asa's heart was perfect with the Lord all his days." I Kings 15:14

Perfect deeds, imperfect heart: King Jehu: "And the Lord said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes... But Jehu took no heed to walk in the law of the Lord God of Israel with all his heart..." II Kings 10:30-31

Perfect deeds, perfect heart: King David. Not to say that David was perfect man, for we know otherwise. I don't mean "perfect" as in sinless; "perfect deeds" just refers to whether the king walked in the ways of the Lord or not. If it doesn't make sense to you, blame the Bible teacher I learned it from! ;)

I want to do good and I want to be good.

And thus ends "The Revelation"... or would it be more aptly entitled "The Ramblings"? ☺

Love,

The Revelation, Part I

Does God ever try to tell you something? As in, He keeps sending you the same message from various sources until you "get it". Really really get it?

I'm having one of those times. It started with a quote a friend posted on facebook. Then during my personal Bible reading, I came across the same principle in different wording. Then was reiterated by a sermon my pastor preached Sunday evening. And then this morning as I was reading on of my favorite blogs, I clicked on a link to one of her favorites blogs and ended up browsing there for a while... and there God re-sent that same message just to be sure I really did "get it".

Transmission received, sir!

In my perusing on this new-to-me blog, I wound up reading a few posts on the subject of child training. Basically, if I even suspect that you have half way decent children, I will read and consider anything you've got to say about the topic. Well... that may be slight exaggeration but not much. I'm passionate about home and family and raising our children and this whole amazing responsibility God has given me. So my mouse always finds it's way over to sidebars and clicks on those types of subjects.

This blog writer has a positive perspective about child training. Here is her philosophy in a nut shell:

Parenting/discipling our children is more about *people* than *process*. It is more about who I am than what I do.

Firstly, notice the word she chose is "discipling" not "disciplining." Just pointing that out...

I appreciate this thought so much and think it was one I needed. I tend to be a task oriented person. My husband, on the other hand, is very much a people oriented person. While I can not even consider being hospitable until my floors are properly steam mopped and the laundry is all folded, Seth really doesn't care if his project list is neglected as long as the people in his life... which could be me, our kids, a stranger with their care stuck in a snow bank, our church family, either of our parents, our nephews and nieces, or the elderly neighbors around us... are cared for and have the attention from him they need or want. My focus is usually consumed on a "to do" list, whether literal or mental. In all my readings and investigating on parenting and child training, I have looked for "The Formula". You know... that guarantee that says if you do steps A, B, then C you will end up with good children who seek the Lord with their lives. I want a process or " to do" list. But as much as I (and probably most of us) would love it, there is no method of child training that can promise to yield any particular result.

Parenting/discipling our children is more about *people* than *process*.

Am I going to abandon methods and process? No. My copy of "To Train Up a Child" will still be keep on the top shelf of my bookcase for easy reference. When this little one gets closer to her debut, I'll be fishing out my "BabyWise" book for practical help with newborn feeding and sleeping schedules. But I want to be more like my husband and make my life about people and not tasks. Which people in particular? The two (soon to be three) little girls that are counting on me to train them correctly. What do they need? Really, they just want me. My time. My attention. My patience. My smiles. My hugs. My heart poured into them.

So is this the point the Lord has been drilling into me? Nope, but it was helpful to me. And this point was used to get across the real point... which I share tomorrow. Because it is late, and my husband needs a cuddling partner as he relaxes on the couch. So stayed tuned for part two of The Revelation. In the meantime, try not to fall off the edge of your computer chairs. ;)

Love,

Me and my agenda

I am a woman with an agenda. I always have been. For as long I can remember, I constantly have 2 or 3 or sometimes more projects or goals floating around in my head that I want to bring to fruition. Anything form a do-it-yourself project around our house, or updating something at the church, or completing an online course or selling something, making something, etc.

I wanna get stuff done.

Sometimes my agenda gets big. Real big. Like right now. I want to clean and fill our pool, create a giant flower bed in the front yard, repair the front porch, finish a sidewalk to the porch, clean our horribly messy garage and even more messy basement. I want to decorate my husband's office. I want to wall paper my bedroom and the baby's bedroom. I want to plant a row of hosta along the church building. I want to add trim work to the kitchen. And a thresh hold. I want to hang an American flag on the house.

This is just a small spattering of my long long list.

And when I say "I" in that previous paragraph, I really mean my husband. 'Cause I'm an expanding by the minute expectant mama. And he is really good at all that stuff.

But here is the problem: His life's purpose if not to complete my honey-do list. *gasp*

He is actually quite busy with his job as an assistant pastor. Hmph.

So... I do what I can. And I get my supplies gathered to go till my dirt (how silly is it that we BUY dirt?) and then.... it rains. Hard.

The ground is soaked. The soil is soaked. I need to the sun to come out and dry my dirt so I can till it.

Okay so, my husband's life doesn't revolve around my agenda and now I have to accept that the sun also is not at my beck and call. This is getting hard to take.

And then.... my baby girl gets sick and needs some extra care and cuddling. Wow. Is the whole world out to thwart my personal agenda??

So here I sit, with Princess Cranky holding me tight and I think, Well, the yard looks bad. The kitchen is without it's final trim work and thresh hold. The pool is more like a lagoon. The garage and basement reflect the fact that a family just moved in after extensive remodeling. And it's okay.

It's okay because little sickies still get cuddled and curious preschoolers still get to go help Daddy. God's business gets cared for and people, we hope, are helped in the process. Dinners still come out of the untrimmed kitchen. Little girls still get their painted toe nails filthy while playing on the ugly yard with no flower bed, in front of a house with no flag.

It will all get done, eventually. What is not going to get done is the bad attitude and frustration that I usually succumb to when my agenda is not being reached. None of that stuff really really matters. Its all temporal. Its all of this world. Shouldn't I be striving for the things that are of above? (Col. 3:2)

"Wait on the Lord" was the theme I choose for 2010. Here is another opportunity for God to strengthen me in this area.



Love,

Christmas Faith

Like most of us, my mind has been on the Christmas story in recent days. Maybe more this year than any other year, because I'm determined to have Madison know that Christmas is about Jesus birthday... not the chubby guy in the red suit, or the presents wrapped and sitting on top on my kitchen cabinets. It's a weird place for presents, I know! No room elsewhere, there are cute up there, no little hands can mess them up, etc. And it is a painful reminder of how badly I need to dust up there!.

When I was reading through Luke 1 & 2, for some reason, Zacharias and Elisabeth kept grabbing my attention.

Luke 1: 6 "And they (referring to Zacharias and Elisabeth) were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless."

Wowzers. What a way to be described! Can you think of any Christian of whom it can be said is "righteous before God" and "walking in all the commandments and ordinances"? That's incredible. I can think of one person maybe... and they would be embarrassed if I mentioned their name so I won't. If you think I'm thinking of you, you're wrong. ;) You also just lost the Most Humble Christian award. ;)

But really, they had pretty amazing testimonies. I think it's safe to say that they were "good Christians"... I put that in parenthesis because I don't really like that term. But you know what I mean by it, hopefully. The Bible says that they served God with all their lives.

And yet, despite being "good Christians", there is something about them so relatable. We read in verse 18 that Zacharias did not initially believe the angel when he was told that in his old age, he would have a son. This good, godly man had a temporarily lapse in faith.

I don't why we are happy when we see the faults in people we admire! It's kind of a sick way about us, isn't it!? I suppose we just like knowing that they are indeed human... just like us. The truth is we're not supposed to compare ourselves to each other but only to Christ. However, seems like we are usually just a little glad when "Mr. Punctuality" occasionally shows up 30 seconds late, or when Martha Stewart burns the cookies or something like that!

Probably most of us would doubt that such a thing as having a baby in post-childbearing years, after a lifetime of infertility. But then again, I've never had a conversation with an angel.

Faith seems to be one those things that needs constant maintenance. At times in my life, I thought my faith was pretty solid... unshakable, even. Maybe it sounds prideful to say, but there were times when I thought if there was one thing I had down in this Christianity thing, it was believing God. For me, the realization that my faith was not all that I thought it to be was becoming a mother. Well, to be more exact, in my journey to becoming a mother. That would be big long post on a completely different subject, but in a nutshell we lost our first two babies and it was hard. Hard physically, hard emotionally and hard spiritually. I honestly did not get mad at God or even demand to know why... like I said, it would be a very long post to convey what made that particular experience a spiritually turbulent time. My point in bringing it up is that I became aware of the fact that faith was not something I could obtain once and then just have all my life. The faith that was in abundance as a teenager and as a college student was not sufficient for my entire adult life. I need new faith for every day. And the good news is that God is all to happy to supply what we need, for each stage of life, for each day and each hour.

I'm sure that Zacharias really was a man of great faith. I believe that because a person does not live as he did... blameless and righteous before God... without the faith to know that God is good, and right, and real. At that particular moment when Gabriel told him that his prayer for a child would be granted, the faith that had held him close to the Lord and His ways for so many years wasn't enough. He needed new faith for that very day.

And the story continues with Zacharias being mute until after John's birth. I shared this story with my Sunday School class yesterday and I told them that I bet Zacharias never doubted another thing that an angel of God told him ever again! My lesson for my class was actually about the fact that Zacharias and Elisabeth did what was unpopular and against the norm at the time in order to obey what God wanted. They named their baby boy John instead of a family name, as was tradition. It's hard for people, especially teens, to do what isn't socially typical and be frowned by friends and even family in order to obey God. But this couple did right no matter what people thought of them. Since we had two visitors in class, I took my lesson to the reason WHY Jesus was born in the first place: to die on Calvary. Two young ladies accepted Christ as Saviour!! Praise the Lord!

So as we edge closer and closer to Christmas day, I'm thankful for so many things, not the least of which is a God in whom I can rest my faith in completely.

Bad Days. They Happen.

We all have them, don’t we? Things go wrong- that’s just part of life. What REALLY constitutes a bad day is when my reaction to those negatives reveals the flaws within myself. It’s not so much the burnt dinner that ruins an evening. It’s the frustration, tears and complaining that usually spew out of me afterwards.

Today, I was having a rough day. I am still not feeling well, and I tend to seriously use the ol “I’m sick” excuse for a bad attitude. We women (and I guess some men) are really good at using physical discomforts to justify a crabby mood, aren’t we? I woke up all stuffy and uncomfortable. I think I must have about 5 pounds of mucus lodged in my chest, throat and sinuses. You’re thrilled to know that, aren’t you? Sorry.

With a 3 yr. old and a 19 month old, first thing in the morning is not a quiet serene calm time of day to slowly rouse oneself. They woke up whining and wanting Daddy, who is not here and is only here on Sunday morning but 6 days a week we go through the same ordeal of explaining that Daddy is at church. There are soggy diapers and pull-ups, usually a wet bed or two, changes of clothes, demands for breakfast, demands for sippy cups, finding the lost valve on the sippy cup, explaining to Maddie why we cannot use the same beloved cup every day, negotiations over which color bowl which girl will get, etc etc etc. By the time Maddie declared her belly was too full to finish her bowl of Cheerios… after eating 2 puny bites… after dramatically exclaiming that she “ver-wee ver-wee hungweee”… I was out of patience. Instead of pulling them out of their early morning crankiness, I decided to join them in it.

Grouchiness prevailed all morning long… I would describe my terse behavior but it’s too embarrassing. After a few hours, toys were everywhere and we were all still in our jammies. Over the course of the morning, a half full mug of tea was spilt and my cereal bowl was knocked off the counter and shattered. I was getting uglier and uglier with each passing moment and then... my unsuspecting wonderful husband called me… something I usually enjoy. But with the girls acting up as soon I as was distracted from them by a phone call, I wasn’t exactly the breath of fresh air he might have been hoping for. He was calling to let me know about funeral calling hours that afternoon. So my choices are to a. get all dressed up, which would require actually taking that much needed shower, drive about 45 minutes and try to squeeze a “I’m so sorry for your loss” in between my mucus filled coughing spells or b. stay home all day long with no car with a disaster zone of a house and two very disobedient children? As you can tell, my attitude wasn't exactly a reflection of all those hundreds of Godly wife classes and sessions I have sat in over the years.

I’ll pause here to say that when ever my kids have obedience issues, I get so flustered and upset by them… and at them. When truly, whose fault is it?? Mmmm hmmmm. M.I.N.E.

After hanging up with Seth, I began to really feel like a big fat louse. I hate being curt to him. I hate myself with I am that way. At that point, I decided that mommy needed a time out. So I gave in to putting a movie on for the girls and secluded myself in the office for a while with a bag a peanut butter M&Ms.

I am amazed by what happened next. While the girls watched happy little seals on the DVD, I went to my blog dashboard. Of all things, the two blog posts I came across in my reading list first were these:

Journal for Women: Please Join Me in Failing

Daily Pleasures: My Resignation

Apparently, there has been a bad day epidemic! Somehow it was comforting to know that a couple of women that I admire also fall victim to the occasional BAD DAY. Well I guess they are human after all. And I sure am too!

I hesitated to describe my morning because I don't want to my blog to turn into a "whine-fest" and I don't want to be guilty of verbal birth control (I defined that in my very first post if you're confused). But the majority of my readers know me in "real" life and have seen my short coming face to face. There's no point in pretending I'm perfect. Or even close. So I shared with you my morning in it's raw, unattractive glory.

After reading these two posts, I thought, Okay, Kayte. It's been a rough start. But don't do when you tend to so: let a bad morning equal a bad day. Start again now. This time, with the Lord on your mind and a smile on your face. Change the tone in your voice and for Pete's sake, take a shower, girl! =) Just for your info, I am usually showered and dressed by that point every day... something about being sick and grouchy makes me want to stay in cozy jammies all day I guess!

So the girls and I got clean, dressed and attacked our messy living room. In actuality, the house wasn't exactly a disaster zone after all. By the time Seth got home, the atmosphere was much improved. We ended up all going for the drive out to the funeral home since it was a beautiful sunny day, a treasure not to be wasted in wintery Upstate NY. The girls dozed off in their seats so I stayed in the van listening to Christmas music while Seth went in to visit with the family. We had a nice quiet drive home and were able to talk while the girls' slept. My mom came over for dinner, as is our usual Tuesday night custom, then she baby sits for an hour or two while Seth and have a date. We almost always go to Barnes and Nobles, get a couple of ridiculously expensive drinks: Mocha Latte for him and Chai for me. This week, he grabbed a revolutionary war book and I snagged Elizabeth Elliot's' Let Me Be A Woman. I love it!!! I read through about a third of it on our date and it's officially on my "Books I want To Buy" list. Elizabeth Elliot has such a beautiful writing style. It was profound and yet so simple. Can't wait to read the whole thing.

So the day was saved... just as I am saved. By the Lord and His Grace.

Learning to stand still

I am back to the land of the living with the help of my antibiotics. I know antibiotics are bad for a person's immune system in the long run, and don't like to take them but it was most definitely necessary with this little virus. Although I feel better, I am still hacking and coughing like an old smoker and my head in foggy. So it was a low key day; my biggest feat simply catching up with the weekend's laundry. I never would have thought that having two children meant that even one day of not taking care of at least one load would result in a substantial dirty clothes pile up. I guess I naively thought I wouldn't battle the never ending laundry heap until we had a bigger family. However, it is true that after 4 days of no laundry being taken cared for, I had a ton to do today. But how can I really complain about laundry when all I have to do is throw it down to my basement, shove it in one machine, then another, fold it and put it away. No scrubbing by hand on a washboard, no filling tubs up with water from a well, no hanging each piece up to dry on a line (how would that work out today... it snowed all day!). I don't even have the inconvenience of a laundry mat. My washer and dryer are two of my bestest buddies!! They were actually a wedding gift! Can you believe that? Nice gift, huh?

During the girls' nap time, I had some quiet time around the house. I was just about to grab a cozy blanket and curl up for a snooze when I thought I would rather take advantage of the time to read my Bible. It got neglected in the past few days right along with laundry, bathing, getting out of jammies, and walking. My Bible was in the office with a lightly sleeping Eden so I settled for my devotional which was in the living room. A good friend and missionary wife, Heather Giley sent me the most beautiful devotional a couple of years ago: Streams in the Desert. I wish I could buy a bunch of them and give one to every friend of mine. It is a treasure.

The Scripture for December 7th:

"And he [Elisha] said, Thus saith the LORD, Make his valley full of ditches. For thus saith the LORD, Ye shall not see wind, neither shall ye see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, that ye may drink both ye, and your cattle, and your beasts. And this is but a light thing in the sight of the Lord; he will deliver the Moabites also into your hand."

II Kings 3: 16-18

I can just imagine myself being there. My first instinct would have been to grab a shovel and start digging those ditches myself. Maybe I would even decided that a well would be a better idea. I usually do think my ideas are better than God's... of course I don't come right out and say it like that. I dress it up in more acceptable lingo, full of rational reasons (to human thinking) of why my idea is going to work faster or better than God's and a carefully laid out plan had to carry it all out.

And ya know what? I would knock myself out to do it. That's why I love verse 18 : "this is a but a light thing in the sight of the LORD:" It's easy for God to do His work. No biggie. I would burn myself out trying to accomplish God's work on my own, my own way. My intentions probably would be good, but pride would be at the center of it. A failure to yield. A failure to let God be Lord.

This is what my devotional said:

If we have seen the miraculous workings of God in some marvelous case of healing or some extraordinary providential deliverance, I am sure that the thing that has impressed us most has been the quietness with which it was all done, the absence of everything spectacular and sensational, and the utter sense of nothingness which came to us as we stood in the presence of this mighty God and felt how easy it was for Him to do it all without the faintest effort on His part or the slightest help on ours.

That says when I am trying to convey well. There is a song I've only heard once called "Stand still and let God move". That is surely not my strength. I get impatient. I don't see the wind and rain, I hear no thunder.... and my faith wanes. So I attempt to make up for a lack of faith by doing doing doing and trying to create or produce an impersonation of the working of God in my life. It's actually a frustrating and tiresome practice.

"stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God."

Job37:14

Thanksgiving Thankfulness

The preparations are made... turkeys are brining, pies are set, recipe cards and cans are set out on counter tops. A delicious feast is on it's way. It's going to wonderful... scrumptious food eaten the company of family.

And then: it will be over.

Here's a few thoughts to feed your soul...

O taste and see that the Lord is good...

And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst

All the days of the afflicted evil: but he that is of a merry heart a continual feast

I am thankful for... oh where to start? I have been blessed and blessed. Its so hard to make a list of things for which I am grateful to the Lord because I could never include all that He's done for me. So for that reason, I'm going to simply list 10... the first 10 blessings that come to my mind.

1. Being saved. Hope in Heaven and a life worth living here on earth.

2. Being married to a Godly man. Seth really did get the short end of the stick in this arrangement. Why God blessed me with such a good man, I'll never know. But I'm enjoying it and doing my best not to mess him all up.

3. My little girls. Maddie and Eden are perfectly healthy and a great source of joy in our life.

4. My home. I have it packed to the gills and I would double it's size in a heartbeat, but it's warm and safe and that is really all we need, right?

5. My church. What a great thing God did when He made the Church... He must have known that I would need the direction and guidance of a wise Pastor and friends to encourage me. Our church really is a family and I love each person there, and miss those that aren't there anymore.

6. Good health. I can see, walk, hear. I have no ailments to speak of. I have never known what it is to face chronic serious pain or sickness.

7. The big rusty ol' bus that picked me up as a little girl to take me to church. Where would I be if no one had cared about the little poor kids in Adelanto, Ca. Thank you, Pastor and Mrs. Sandberg!

8. God's promises. In the past few years my favorite promise is that if I lack wisdom and ask Him for it, He said he'd give it to me, "liberally and upbraideth not."

9. Forgiveness. God's love has covered a multitude of sins... my sins.

10. Friends. I have lots of good friends. Sometimes I get feeling lonely, but really when I count them all up, I have many many friends... the world seems smaller when you are a Christian. We are connected by Him despite the differences in personality, or location, or interests or any other things which typically friendships are made of. I'm very glad for my friends.

Abundance

I mentioned in my last post that I am anti-stuff. This may have left the impression that I am not materialistic. While I wish that were true… it’s not exactly the truth. I am materialistic… I like nice things around me and own more clothes than one should be legally allowed… maybe our new administration will start taxing me on it, so that may change!

Anyway, I jokingly tell Seth that he should think my materialistic tendencies as a good thing because materialistic people are very easy to shop for… he never has to be one of those stumped husbands wondering what in the world to get his wife for Christmas or her birthday. I like everything!!! Basically, if it’s pink, pretty, has a butterfly on it, is supposed to organize my house or life better, if it guarantees to make my skin smoother and my pores tighter, if it smells wonderful, if it’s made out of chocolate, if it will prevent chocolate from making me fat, if it will add volume and luster to my hair, if it’s clinically proven to make my children geniuses by the time they turn 5, if it’s state of the art, or if it matches something I already have, I want it!!

I feel like I was just confessing to a priest my sin of coveting.

Lately I’ve been spending more time than usual shopping in stores or online or with catalogs as I scour the earth for the best deals on Christmas gifts, and gifts for a few family members with birthdays right around this time. Who has the nerve to have a birthday near Christmas?!!! My husband and my mother, that’s who! With this extra browsing time, I have developed a bad case of the “I wants”. I know that NONE of you have ever wanted to buy something that wasn’t an absolute necessities (which- please define for me… it’s a slippery slope!) or something that you could not afford or something frivolous. But I do… =(

I’ve been feeling convicted about my lack of contentment… I know God has been so good to me, and I have all that I need and more!! But that doesn’t automatically turn the “I wants” off. It should… my gratefulness SHOULD replace my feelings of dissatisfaction. All I can say is that I’m working on it.

Can I share with you something that does in a BIG way, put it all in perspective for me? Our church helps support the ministry of David and Debbie Bolos in Arequipa Peru. Along with a productive church, the Bolos’ also began New Hope Children’s Home. The stories of these precious little kids in this poverty stricken area are absolutely heart breaking. The tales we hear in newsletters or when the Bolos family visited our church send tears down my cheeks. Starvation, parental neglect, abuse, abandonment… children taking care of their younger siblings because mom’s new boyfriend didn’t want them, children living on the streets, children selling themselves as slaves for survival, parents selling children as slaves for alcohol, mothers hitting children as a last ditch effort to stop their crying out for food which she has none to give. And there are so many of them. In this month’s letter, Brother Bolos described his heartache as they had to turn away about 50 children for lack of room for them. They are simply maxed out. He also introduced their latest project and asked for our help. They intend to begin serving hot meals at least once a day and allow all street children to come and at least receive a good meal for that day. There is so much more that they need and that the Bolos want to do, but at the very least they can feel full in their tummies, feel loved by someone, and hear about the Jesus who died for them. Our church is collectively putting together a “Thanksgiving Offering” to help them with this endeavor. If there is a ministry on earth, aside from my own church, that I want to give to, this is it.

My life is blessed abundantly. I have a warm home, a loving husband, and two healthy daughters sleeping in their comfortable beds right now. We have food every day. We never have to wonder if we’ll eat today. I’ve never had to deny my children food when they were hungry because I simply didn’t have any to give them. I have a Bible all to myself. We don’t have to rip chapters out and pass them along with other believers as we might have to in a communist country. I have never been sold to stranger. I have never rummaged through dumpsters or stolen for survival. I have a washing machine and dryer that work wonderfully. Not one time in my life have a washed my clothes on a washboard in a creek. I don’t even have to use a laundry mat. I could go on and on, of-course. Abundance. That is a great word to describe my life.

“And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.” I Tim. 1:14

The young and the restless...

Hope that title doesn't scare you away!?! ;)



As of last month, I am 26 yrs. old. In some ways, I feel exactly as I did when I was 17 yrs. old. For me, that was the age that I pretty much joined the “adult species”… you have to understand that I went to across the country to college when I was 16 yrs. old, so I may have joined adulthood a little younger than most. Not that it’s anything to brag over… it’s just the way it happened for me. More than age, just the events of life, such as marriage and children, have to some degree, made me feel a little out of touch with the teenage girl that I used to be. The inner struggles I had, and the insecurities I felt, now seem a bit silly. But I know… I absolutely know… that they were quite real and quite serious at the time when I was experiencing them. I wish I could have seen then how temporary the troubles and dramas would turn out to be. But you don’t know what you don’t know, right? Of-course, I don’t mean to minimize the concerns that kids and teenagers feel. They can be just as stressful, even depressing, as adult woes. Especially in the world in which we live. The sad truth is that many children never enjoy a childhood. They’re exposed to horrific things and their innocence is stolen. But I am getting into a whole different topic…


I’ve been trying to put myself back in the shoes of 16, 17, 18, 19 yr. old girl, on the brink of a blank but hopeful future. Often… too often… we sit back and watch young people in this stage teetering between wisdom and foolishness… right and wrong…. good and bad. They have been taught what is right, in some cases taught more than others… shown the example, in some cases more than others… but then it is their turn to decide. Will they sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate? It’s frustrating to me, because I’m not really qualified or in a position to do what I am tempted to do … grab them by the shoulders and shake them until they think clearly! ;) Or even better would be to possess their bodies and make the right choices for them. But that’s not how it works, is it? I look back and I remember being in those shoes… I would have severely resented being shook by the shoulders or having my body possessed. But I am pretty sure that I did tempt a few people to try those tactics on me, just as I am now tempted to try those approaches with young girls whom I know and love. So I pray… and look for opportunities to do whatever I can to help them… and then vent my frustration on my blog. ;) The cycle is complete!


If I ever did gain the audience of one of these young women, there is much I would want them to know. I want them to know that their mothers, though in their 30s and 40s now, were once young girls, too. They were not aliens who hatched middle aged. They are emotional creatures too and just might know what they’re thinking/feeling/experiencing and they would actually and truly love to talk to them about it.


I would want them to know that this stage is short and fleeting. The late teen and college years are a fast paced blur. In a few years, they will be living out the choices of today… and it is for forever and there are no do-over’s. They, their parents, their future mate, and their future children will reap the consequences, whether positive or negative, for the rest of their lives. So much of the “What will I do with my life?” question involves dating and mating and marriage. I wish that every young girl would grasp this one idea: The man you marry will probably be your children’s father. I don’t know if this is normal, but I thought about that while I was dating. I loved my children before I knew I’d ever have them. I wanted a good daddy for them. Not that this was the only quality I looked for, but it encompasses a lot. Part of that thought includes the premise that Mr. Right had better be a hard worker… I mean not just "once in a while a hard worker" or "when trying to impress someone hard worker"… I mean a “go to work every single day and work when you don’t feel like it hard worker”. It’s really heartbreaking to know sweet, nice girls who marry funny, cool guys and end up with a miserable life, in which the burden of providing, rearing the kids, and every other responsibility is placed solely on their shoulders. Some of my friends ended up as single moms, some might as well be single moms. It’s extremely sad. It will not matter one iota how cool of a car he drives or how funny and cute his is when you need a man around and cannot find one. Marriage is so sweet and such a source of joy… when it’s right. When it’s not… it’s sorrow and misery. I wish every young girl I know could marry a godly young man and have a wonderful marriage build on the Lord. I wish they would never sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate in this area most of all.


Sometimes I think that perhaps young people are not debating between a good life or a bad life… but between a great life and a mediocre life. Between living out God’s will for them, being married to God’s choice and enjoying the peace and security that it holds or just mimicking what is more typical… veering just a little at time, slowly, unconsciously away from the principles they know to be right; haphazardly bouncing through the threshold of adulthood and winding up with a cheap imposter of the great life that could have been theirs. And they might not even realize it’s not the “real deal” that they passed by. It looks just like what most of their friends, and maybe family, ended up with too, so they think it’s just as good as it gets. But it’s disappointing and unfulfilling. And eventually, full of regrets.


So what do I want a 16,17,18,19 yr. old girl to go? Do right. Just do right and then do right some more. Get on that path and just stay the course. Buy the truth and sell it not. Fall in love with Jesus before letting any dumb boy even close to your heart. Get a godly counselor in your life and give them permission to shoot straight with you, and then don’t get mad at them when they do. They watch for your souls.


Maybe it’s presumptuously of me to even post all this. Like, what do I know, really? In 20 yrs., I’ll be writing a post about the things I wish 20something year old wives and mothers would get a grip on! I know I’m still a "whipper snapper" in a lot of ways. If you older and wiser women out there have more to add, I’m all ears! You can even tell me what I need to realize! I hereby give you permission to shoot straight with me! ;)

Discovery

Inspired by a favorite blog, A Thousand Words… and then some, a topic in honor of Columbus Day. (Amy’s other blog Daily Pleasures is a worthwhile stop on your blog hopping adventures too… when I’m having a day when I am tempted to desert my family and check into a hotel with the sole purpose of sleeping, eating and non-cleaning, feeling that they would only miss me when they run out of clean dishes… you know… one of those days… I sit down to read the latest post of Daily Pleasures and I remember: I dreamed about this job. I prayed for this job. I landed this job. I love this job. It’s so much more than a “job”. And I cancel my reservation at the Holiday Inn. Daily Pleasures has become one of MY daily pleasures.)

Anyway, back to the subject: Discovery



























On Labor Day, Eden discovered the awesome sensation of gritty mud between her toes, the fun of squishing it in her hands, the “delightful” taste of it in her mouth. She had HOURS of fun playing right in that little patch on mud by the West Canada Creek. She filled and emptied that Mr. Smoothie’s cup a bazillion times. And I discovered that eventually her soft baby skin will come clean again… eventually.

I personally have been discovering some things recently as well. I’ve been realized anew that Jesus really does love me. Sure, I’ve known that for years but I don’t know if I’ve ever really truly KNOWN that. Maybe it was that my head knew it but my heart had forgotten? What does this silly California girl mean?!! Girl, your guess is as good as mine.

Okay really… let me see if I can explain it better. This summer I was not feeling well. Nothing dire but I was nauseated all the time and had terrible headaches and was feeling dizzy several times a day. Dizziness is very annoying when you are busy! I ran into a lady (she is that grandmotherly type who treats everyone as if they are who own child- what would this world be like without those sweet kinds of ladies!?) who had not seen my in several months. Immediately, her mothering begins. “Kayte, are feeling all right? Have you lost weight??” I acknowledged that I had… I was down to 114 lbs... I know no one like to hear a skinny girl complain about being skinny (please unclench your fists girls!) but really, 114 lbs. on a 5’8 frame don’t look good nor does it feel good. (Poor grammar for affect… get used to it.) I felt lousy. Coincidently, we were right by my primary care physician’s office. “Kayte,” she sternly said, “I don’t want to pry, but please go right in to Dr. Taylor’s and make an appt. You really need to take care of yourself, you’re worth it.” And it’s that last phrase that stuck out to me… I actually bristled hearing it. The first thought to fly into my head was No I am not. I think being in a world full of so much emphasis about “self –esteem” and “loving yourself”, I had unconsciously been associating thinking “one was worth it” with that same kind of prideful and putting yourself first attitude. Those words kept coming back to me… “You’re worth it”. And in my heart I was thinking that I was worth nothing… just trailer park trash with yucky yucky origins.

How many times when giving the gospel to someone, have I used the phrase “If you had been the only person on earth, Jesus still would have come and died for you”. Almost every time I witness to a person, I emphasis how worth it they are to God. But all these years of telling that to others, I had never applied it to myself. I mean I knew that God was good, and that He loved me… but not in that same way like He loves the best people I know. It’s hard to explain… and let’s remember this is only my second post as an official blogger. ;) When I entered adulthood, I stood by that metaphorical baggage claim and said “Oh yes, that one is mine… and that one too… and that big one over there… oh and that really nasty beat up one… uh huh, yup, just pile ‘em up right here.” I had Baggage with a capital B. But I sat under preaching, I felt God move in my heart, I dealt with it all. Well, maybe, just maybe, not ALL. Is it pride or just plain foolishness to think that we can deal with things once and kiss them good bye forever. I had done a good job digging out bitterness, forgiving, moving on. But then come children. And that additional wonderful new relationship reveals that you have more work to do within yourself. But because I like to carry my heavy baggage solo and insist that “I’ve got it- I’m good!” with a smile on my face, I didn’t want to admit that I more issues (“issues” is a great word- it covers so much without needing to be specific). Finally, when making decisions regarding our will and who would have custody of our children should Seth and I both die, I had the morbid and embarrassing to admit thought: “They’d probably be better off with them anyway”. That’s when a girl even as stubborn as I must sit back and say “Hmmm… I think I’ve got a piece of luggage around here to get rid of”. To my heart, the Holy Spirit seemed to say ”Start with Hosea”. So I did a bit of studying in Hosea and it has helped. I’m not quite willing to say that I am baggage free… I suppose NONE of us will be free from ALL our baggage until we enter Heaven and it’s perfection. But am happy to know that Jesus really loves me and that I am worth Calvary to Him.

I am also discovering that I use italics way too often.

And in case you want to discover what was wrong with my skinny, tired run down self, my miracle cure was eating… and apparently Iced Coffee from McDonalds doesn’t count. Who knew?