Saturday, October 31, 2009

Letting Him Lead

We're are still battling sickness here at the McCoy house. My brain is in a Sudafed induced fog, complicated by sleep deprivation. Since I do want to put up a new post, I am going to "recycle" some thoughts I wrote down in my journal several months ago... unless you really do want to hear about mucus, vomit, fevers and laundry...?

This was originally written to myself, and not for my blog, so some opinions may have seeped through. If you disagree with the idea of the husband being the head of the home, you may want to skip this post.

One of the first grade students in my class while I was student teaching was a delightful little boy full of sweet smiles and unintentional but hilarious little sayings. He was obedient, eager to please and, I will admit, my favorite student. One Sunday in the church foyer, I saw him with his entire family, which included four small children and his parents. From the first glance, it was obvious that his father was disabled. I later learned that he suffered a traumatic brain injury while serving in our armed forces. My husband was better acquainted with him and said that although he “wasn’t all there” and had several odd mannerisms from his injury, he was a man of character and was coherent enough to be aware of his disability and tried his best to live as normally as possible. They were quite a ways off so I began walking toward them to say hello to my little student. As I got close enough to hear their conversation, I overheard that there was a dilemma as to how to get all the children to their various Sunday School classes. The solution was fairly simple to me, and probably to most people; however to this father, it was a genuine concern. The mom did not do as I have seen, and unfortunately done many times. She did not confidently state the answer to their problem while thinking her husband was such a lucky guy for having a clever quick thinking wife like her. Instead, she nonchalantly made a statement. This statement started her husband’s thinking process in the right direction. For the next minute, the father “thought out loud”. He took a moment and verbalized what had taken me seconds to realize, finally arriving at the solution. He declared the plan of action and his wife smiled and agreed that it was a good idea. I never did greet my student that day because he never noticed me. He and his brothers and sister were too occupied staring up at what they believed to be the smartest man in the whole wide world. The little smiling faces reflected so much love that I remember the expressions 6 years later. And I stood staring at one the smartest women in the world.

Why are there so many men who are perfectly capable, in body and mind, to be the leaders of their home, but the wives shudder at the thought for fear that the sky would fall? Is it the gratification that we feel at being so “needed” to fix the family’s problems? Is it genuine concern that he would fail? Is it impatience in waiting for him to lead? Maybe he is trying but it doesn’t take the form and appearance that were think it is supposed to… his leadership doesn’t match the expectation we had pre-marriage. I don’t know. I examine myself constantly. I have a “let’s get it done!” personality. I am “gong ho” about everything I do. My husband is not. He is slow to speak, slow to action and slow to wrath. Those are three attributes I have been so frustrated by and at other times… more times the longer we are married… have been so thankful he possesses. I need some more “Seth” in me. But my natural tendencies verses my husband’s calmer, quieter manner makes me fearful of being a “hairy legged woman”. The truth is I hold way too much power over my husband. He REALLY loves me and wants to see me happy- so much so that I think I could lead him if I pushed hard and long enough. Except in matters of good and godliness. I am grateful to be able to confidently say that without a doubt, I could never get Seth to desert God. He has too much integrity for even me to destroy. How this is all connected, I am not sure! I just keep thinking of that brilliant lady, whom I have never spoken to or even know her first name. It would such a shame for me to have a husband full of health and vitality, soundness of mind, spiritually discerning and of pure character and NOT allow him to be the head of our home.


Anonymous said...

I love your blogs Mrs.kayte your a great writer!In my point of view your doing a great job with everything.Your a great role model for us young ladies in the church.We love having you around your fun and outgoing and still calm and humble at the same time.Thanks for everything.We love you!

jen said...

Kayte, this was beautiful. I too have a husband who loves God extremely ( there is such a security in that) & is deliberate before he makes a decision.
I find that with more children I am tempted to jump in with my brilliant ideas all too often. After all my husband is gone most of the day and he doesn't really know what is going on around here, right???
All I can say is that it is not a good thing. It often causes the children to take sides, Dad will step back or if it's really important he will insist neither of which is pleasant. It causes me to feel insecure when he won't make a decision, but why should he if I have a "better" idea?
I am thankful for the wonderful marriage God has gifted me with & thank you for putting into words what I often wish to transfer to my church ladies but do not have the words for. I am determined to check myself more often to be sure there is no "hairy legged woman" in my house! ;D

Kayte said...

Jaz, you're too sweet! I'm blushing!

Jen, lol! Maybe we should make some cute plaques that say "No Hairy Legged Women Allowed" and hang them on our doors! ;)

Portraiture by AntoniaRenee said...

hmmmm. I loved the story and it was quite convicting...but I didnt get the "hairy legged women"<----did I miss something in an earlier post?

Kayte said...

The "hairy legged women" is just a slang term for bossy chicks. Kind of like "rooster women".