Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Remember me...

My thoughts are still on Madison’s 3rd birthday. The day will come, far sooner than I can even understand right now, when her birthday will not be celebrated with a heart shaped cake and toys and cousins. One day she will reach adulthood. Where will she go? What will she do? Trying to imagine her future, I tend to picture her following a similar path as I did: a Christian college and marriage. But perhaps that will not be the path she takes. And if she does, where will that path lead on to? A fair away state? A far away country? Only the Lord knows. But it will most likely not be a path which includes her sleeping in a pastel colored room next to mine and eating dinner across from me with spaghetti all over her face. I hope I will always remember her childhood and her carefree ways. I hope I never forget her smiles and the many many questions she asks and her “dig in her heels” stubborn nature, which I am sure will one day be an asset. (That day is not today but...) I hope I always remember her temperament and personality. But what will she remember me as…?

Maddie, I hope you remember me as the mommy who always managed to muster up just a little more patience, instead of a mommy giving in to weariness and irritability.

Remember me as the mommy who had a willing servant’s heart when you made extra messes with your childlike clumsiness and not as the mommy who let her frustration show.

Remember me as the mommy who had encouraged you softly when your fears held you back from being friendly and not as the mommy who was more concerned with her daughter making her look good in front of others.

Remember me as the mommy who told you how proud of you she was when you conquered your fears and finally said “Hello, Mr. Grant.” And not as the mommy who didn’t realize how hard it was for you to do.

Remember me as the mommy who took time to build a tent and sit in it as long as you wanted to and not as the mommy who decided laundry was more important.

Remember me as the mommy who loved you enough to discipline you… again. And not as the mommy resorting to begging and yelling.

Remember me as the mommy who appreciated your daddy for all the help he so cheerful gave and not as the mommy who always had a better way of doing things.

Remember me as the mommy who had died to her own selfishness instead of a mommy putting her own comforts and desires first.

Remember me as the mommy who wore a smile everyday and loved the life the Lord gave her and not the mommy full of complaints and whines.

Truthfully, I am both of these mommies. I hope Maddie only remembers HALF of me.

“He hath made the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.” Psalm 113:9

1 comment:

julie said...

:) this was beautiful kayte. i'm sure that maddie will remember the whole of who you TRULY are... the mommy with the life that is alive to Christ. "it is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me" :) you're a fantastic mom.