Baby Weight

That title is deceiving. I'm not actually going to talk about Leila's weight. She is a healthy 13 or 14 lbs. I'm not really sure. She perfect though, I assure you.

I am referring to the weight on me, as a result of the baby being nurtured in and by my body.

Oh yes... I'm going there.

I have somewhere between 5 to 10 pounds to loose. My scale is inaccurate, therefore I do not know my exact weight. (Is it even possible to have a well working scale with children in your home? They jump on it, they pick it up and move it all over, slamming it down, etc etc. I've given up and just accepted that it might be best not to know anyway.)

Leila is 3 months old. So I'm not going to be too hard on myself. I'm going to ignore the baffling weight loss of other moms I know... who were back to pre-pregnancy weight in a matter of 2 weeks.

What is bugging me is this: I gained the least amount of weight with Leila and it has been the most stubborn to loose. No fair! And if the 10 lbs. were perhaps better located, that would be different. But those mean little fat cells all wound up in the worst places possible.

I know... it was my 5th pregnancy. What did I expect?

I'll tell you what I expected:
1. My will power and character to be stronger than it has been. (ie. resisting cookies)
2. My elliptical to get more consistent use than it has.

But alas, time for exercise has fallen way down on the priority list. And while I have great intentions for most of the day, somewhere around 9pm, I just want a cookie (... or two ...or seven) and I vow to be better tomorrow.

And here is the scariest part of all:

gulp

Some small part of me (and yes thankfully it is still a small part) doesn't care anymore. Most of my clothes fit... not well but I can wear them. My husband will still love me and think I'm attractive if I never loose the last 10. My children don't care one way or the other. And by George, if a mom of three isn't entitle to a little gut than who is????

If you're looking for that inspirational post that makes you think I'm super terrific... this is not it.

I like cookies.

But... I also like feeling better about by myself. I like not having to tear up my closet looking for something to conceal the yucky parts once again. I like not wearing control top under garments. (ouch) I like having energy. I like looking forward to having more children in the future instead of wondering just how big am I going to get by the time our family is completed.

In case you haven't already deducted this fact, I'll tell you bluntly: I've been completely relying on my own strength instead of the Lord's help to eat right and take care of my body via exercise. And it's not been working. (duh!)

I'm nursing and so therefore, a serious reduction of calories is not a good idea. I've been intending to eat when I get hungry (I do not want my milk supply to be negatively affected in any way) but eat healthful foods only. And I must say that my meals have been meeting that standard. Where I stumble is snacking. I've been feeling so sluggish and maybe even like my blood sugar is low. So to cope and keep up with the day I grab something easy and fast... and (you guessed it) not healthy. And then there is just fact that goodies are all around me. For example, today I had oatmeal for breakfast (good). Then when my husband offered me a donette (those mini donuts) I absent mindedly accepted. And of course one little sweet thing only makes me crave another and another. (bad)

I need to follow the same rule I have for my girls:

If you want a snack, it going to be fresh fruit or veggies only.

Another issue I have been struggling with is horrible headaches every afternoon. I think I've had a bad headache every day for 6 days straight. Yuck. And OTC pain meds. aren't touching it. Maybe Excedrin Migraine would do it but I'm not going to take that while nursing. All I know is Tylenol and Motrin are not working.

As for exercise, I have signed up for a semester of Pilate's. I took two semesters in the past and really enjoyed it. The class is all women and is held at a local community college. The only down side is that it is right during the dinner hour. So I'll be making use of my crock pot. I start this week and I expect to be very very sore.

Mostly, I feel a need to get the Lord involved. Not just in eating right. But in every choice I make every day. Every word I say. Every decision about how I spend my time. Every interaction I have with my family and with others. I need His help. I too quickly speak. I too quickly decide. I too quickly mess up. I need Him to be beside me and lean on Him more. You know something: it just occurred to me that I haven't once asked the Lord to take this dreadful headache away!

It is a very good thing God has patience and mercy with us. All the time, I tell my frustrated 2 yr. old to stop whining and simply ask for help. Ha! Time to follow yet another instruction I give my children.

This post may be nominated for Most Random and Scatter Brain-ness. Guts, cookies, Pilate's headaches and the Lord. It's all connected... somehow.

Love,