The mid-night run for a pregnancy test

If that title doesn't draw in you, I don't know what will! =)

Yup. A few nights ago I sent my husband out to the store for a pregnancy test. I'd been intending to grab one all day and never got a round to it and I really didn't feel much eagerness about it... until trying to settle down and sleep.

"um, honey...."

And he was up, dressed and back in 15.

And it was negative. Both of them. =)

But in the hours, possible days, that I considered a 4th McCoy (girl, no doubt!) to be a possibility, a few noticeable changes took place that I think have been helpful to me.

With the idea that our house could get {more} crowded soon and that my already busy days would get busier, I immediately started to "man up". You know what I mean... stop whining about the nitty gritty hard work stuff that comes along with having cute and energetic and normal children. Why bother getting annoyed at the long lost of things you never have time to finish- just get busy doing your best and "hanging the rest". Yup, I'm tired. Who isn't? Yup, we're usually broke. We're in good company. My van is a perpetual dumpster. Okay it is a little gross sometimes and I need to be vigilant about getting every member of the family who can manage it to grab something on the way out of it. But a nice clean shiny new car is like not even on the radar right now. Oh well. It really doesn't matter.

What did (and does matter) is that I've got little people learning from me how to live, what attitudes to adopt, what to believe and if what I believe and what I do are at all connected.

So even though it's just the 5 of us still, I think this little rush of "what if's" this week was good for me. And what is kind of funny is that had anyone asked Seth or myself a week or two ago if #4 was on the wish list, we wouldn't probably have said not right now, we'd like to wait if we can. But you would never have guessed that by the cheesy grin on Seth's face when he came home with the tests. And no, I'm not exactly disappointed by the negative tests.... 3 babies born in October? Poor Eden would be so left out! I would have been very happy with a plus sign instead of a negative, too. It's just how we see it. I'd have to be a very difficult situation to not be excited and happy about a new baby. The craziest part of all is that the part I was starting to look forward to the most is the delivery. I know!?!! What in the world! But as painful and long and a little scary as it is, it's probably the most exciting thing in the world... to go the hospital with an empty back seat and come home with a tiny cooing little sweetie pie in the back seat. I was also starting to happily plan on more hair bows but don't tell Seth that part. =)

So for now, Leila continues to be "The Baby" and I am "manning up". Except for today, because I'm sick. =)

Love,