Parts of me can not believe it has been that long, while parts of me look back at the week before her death, a stressful 10 days in the hospital not knowing exactly what was going on or what was about to happen, as a distant blur from a life time ago. There are still moments when all I can think is "Is she really gone? Really??" Looking at pictures of her, I remember her vitality. Her strength. Time may make me eat these words, but I honestly believe that I will never again take for granted how long we have one another. God really does order our days and when He says they are up, they are up. Regardless of young, regardless of how important, regardless of how loved. It's all in His hands. And that is just where I want it to be.
A few days ago, Seth let me know that his mother's mother, Grandma Berg was not doing well. By the time I joined the McCoy family, Grandma Berg was frail and confined to her apartment, but still able to converse and share stories from earlier in her life. She almost always told me about the day she sent her husband off to World War II. Grandma Berg's sweet, weathered face lit up with animation as she recalled how she clung to him and begged him not to leave her. It really was a romantic anecdote, and since he did return and raise a family with her, it had a happy ending. Occasionally, I see a "Grandma Berg grin" on Eden's face... bright eyes accompanied by a slanted smile with indications of a goofy thought running through her head. Even in these past few years living in the nursing home, Grandma could be so silly at times. She is 89 yrs. old, and though she may not remember people or events well, she has remembered her sense of humor, and she has never stopped talking about the Lord.
One thing anyone who spends anytime talking to Grandma Berg knows is that her heart is in Heaven. Her husband, that same one she clung to all those decades ago, went to be with the Lord 10 yrs. ago, and Grandma Berg has been looking forward to joining him there ever since. Sometimes, I wonder if it seems strange to other people how freely and even bluntly Grandma Berg expresses her desire to be in Heaven. It seems perfectly normal to us, maybe because we're used to hearing her speak of it at every chance, but also because we know that she has laid up her treasures in Heaven. She has much to look forward to there. She has a Savior Who will welcome her and embrace her. She will get to see the King of Kings face to face. And of course, her husband and Christine will be there as well.
I lay awake a lot these days when I wish I were sleeping. Last night, as I waited for much needed sleep to come, I thought of my husband's grandmothers. He has been blessed with an amazing, godly heritage on both sides of his family tree. Both of his grandmothers had tremendous roles in the Christian upbringing from which Seth, his siblings and cousins benefited. Grandma Berg is known by many for her consistent stand for the Lord. She prayed for others and was a pillar in her church.
Yesterday, I took these pictures as Seth visited with her. She seemed to be sleeping, or in a morphine haze, but when Seth clasped her hand, she closed her fingers around his.
Today, she is unresponsive and has been put on oxygen. Please pray for her physical comfort. It has been an emotional month and a half for our family, but I think I can boldly say that her home going to the Lord will be cause for rejoicing, even if through a few tears of sadness.